Daddy Dearest
by Ira4
Summary: An unwelcome visitor disrupts Nick's life
1. Chapter 1

**Daddy Dearest**

* * *

 _Did I say I wasn't going to write anymore? Apparently there is no trusting me. I just like them too much to stop._

 _This story is set in the same universe as the Rollaros. Nick and Amanda are living together in LA with their adorable son Ethan._

 _There's gonna be a bit of smut, a bit of drama and a lot of Rollaro._

 _Hope you like it._

 _As if you didn't know this, but I don't own what I don't own (cause if I did, we all know things would have been different)_

* * *

"Sorry I'm so late" Amanda walked into the house. She planned on coming home in time for dinner. But work kept her busy and it was now after eleven pm.

"Don't worry about it" Nick got off the couch and walked over to her "is everything ok?"

"Everything is far from ok" she rolled her eyes but stopped before she could explain to give him a few pecks.

"Hungry?" he asked and followed her to the kitchen.

"I shouldn't say this, but the new captain is driving me crazy" she placed her plate in the microwave "I don't think he's even trying to hide the fact he wants to be the commissioner. That guy's been kissing the brass' asses on our expense" Amanda sighed before grabbing her food.

All Nick could do was offer a sympathetic smile, he met the guy once and had to agree with what Amanda had just said.

"Sorry" Nick wrapped his arms around Amanda's waist and felt her lean into him.

"Did your mom leave ok?" hearing the microwave's ding Amanda pulled away and took her food out.

"Yeah, Frank and mom left for their vacation" Nick watched Amanda as she sat down to eat. Cesaria and Frank, the man she's been seeing, flew to Miami for a week, and Nick took time off so he could watch Ethan.

"I'm gonna miss her cooking" Amanda's plate was almost empty.

"Didn't you notice the boxes in the fridge?" he smiled "you're not gonna go hungry"

"Was he thrilled to find out you're spending the week together?" she knew Ethan adored Nick and would enjoy spending so much time with his father.

"He seemed to be" Nick smiled, he was happy about it too. Ethan loved spending time with him, Zara and Gil were more excited about spending time with their friends, but the youngest wasn't at that stage yet.

"I'm gonna try to get back home at a normal hour" she placed the dish in the sink.

"I get it, don't worry"

"Thanks babe" Amanda smiled, she appreciated Nick's support but hated not being there enough the past month, she wanted to spend more time with her boy and with Nick "I'm gonna take a shower, so how bout you join me?"

"Yeah?" Nick raised a brow.

"I need you to soap my back"

"I can't leave your back unsoaped" Nick's fingers touched the nape of her neck and traveled lower slowly.

Amanda turned so she could kiss him, enjoying the way his lips felt and tongue tasted. She was tired but she preferred a shower with Nick over going to sleep right away.

They made their way to the shower trying to muffle their giggles and once they locked the door behind them Nick pushed her against the door, not keeping his lips away from her skin.

He was busy nibbling on her neck when he heard her speak.

"We should get naked if we want to take a shower" she said, trying to get to his shirt.

"If you insist" Nick took a step back and watched as she discarded her clothes, throwing them on the floor. He mirrored her actions, his garments joining the pile on the floor.

Amanda couldn't control her lips from curving when Nick was standing in front of her wearing nothing but a smile.

"I love you" she mumbled before wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself as close as possible to his body. They carefully walked into the shower and somehow managed to turn the water on. After all, Nick did promise to soap her back, but that could wait.

Amanda moaned into his mouth when his hand got between her legs, caressing her thighs before his fingers moved higher, reaching her clit.

Amanda enjoyed his touch and allowed him to set the pace for a while "come on Nick" she whispered into his ear when she wanted more and reached for his erection, just to make a point. Nick was glad to hear those words and raised her body so she could wrap her legs around him. He didn't give her a warning before entering her, but the sound that escaped her lips was all the approval he needed. Amanda's hand's held on for support, Nick's thrusts felt so perfect she could feel her entire body tingling with pleasure. Amanda's mouth was right by his left ear and part of Nick's excitement was hearing her. He loved how a bit out of control her voice got when the pleasure was about to take over her and it made his release so much closer.

"Fuck Nick" Amanda hissed when the orgasm took over her and Nick couldn't last much longer and came inside of her, holding her close.

He helped her stand after their breath evened and she gave him a wide and very approving smile.

"Don't forget about your promise" she turned around.

Amanda was about to reach for the soap when she felt Nick's palms cup her breast.

"That's not my back Nick" she chuckled "need an anatomy lesson?"

"I feel like you could give me a very interesting one" he kissed the back of her head but let her body go, they could do that some other time.

* * *

"Mommy I want juice please thank you" Ethan was sitting in his chair, he was done with his omelet and wanted to drink.

"There you go baby" Amanda poured him some orange juice and ruffled his hair "you need a haircut mister"

"Ok" he smiled and drank from the cup.

"If I have time at lunch I'll come by" Amanda turned to Nick.

"We'd love that, I'm gonna take him to the playground later, but call when you get a chance and we'll come back home"

Nick loved spending time with him, play with him, teach him. He missed a lot of key moments in Zara and Gil's lives and even though Ethan was in no way as a do over, he promised himself that things will be different.

And they were.

Things between him and Amanda were good, they supported each other, loved one another. He couldn't imagine himself without her, without their son.

"Nick?" Amanda called him.

"Yeah?" he smiled at her.

"You think you can handle this hair situation?" she glanced at Ethan who finished his drink and got out of the chair.

"Thank you" he said when he stood on the floor and Amanda picked him up so he could sit on her lap.

"You're gonna take care of daddy today?" Ethan nodded wholeheartedly "make sure he behaves, alright?"

"Yes!" Ethan promised.

"Good" she planted a kiss on the top of his head and let him go "I have to go to work"

"See you later" Nick got up and kissed her "love you"

"You're so emotional" Amanda rolled her eyes "love ya too"

"Mommy, I love you too" Ethan listened in.

Amanda kneeled in front of him "do you know that you are the sweetest boy ever?"

"Yes, cause I love cake" he said proudly, touching his tummy.

Amanda smiled at him and kissed his cheeks "you're sweeter than all the cakes in the world baby"

* * *

Nick made a list of things he wanted to take care of in the house. They've been planning on painting the living room for over a month and he could probably enlist the kid to help, or at least to watch.

"We're gonna go buy paint today, you want to give me a hand painting the wall?" he asked.

"Ok daddy" Ethan nodded "I want Frannie to help"

"Well, Frannie's a dog so she can't, but you can"

"Yes! I can" Ethan replied proudly.

"Ok, go get your shoes buddy" Nick smiled as his son went to look for the shoes. They just bought him a new pair after he managed to lose his old ones. Ethan had a tendency to throw his things around and one shoe always seemed to disappear, never to be seen again.

"Bye Frannie!" Ethan waved just before they were out of the door "I love you too!"

Nick parked the car by the hardware store and let Ethan sit in the cart as they walked around.

"Do you think we should buy this can or this can?" Nick consulted Ethan, they were both the same shade of white but he wanted to include him.

"This one" he pointed at the left can.

"Good choice" Nick placed it in the cart "you see this one?" Nick showed him a light green color "this is the one we used for the walls in your room"

"I helped!" Ethan exclaimed and Nick smiled.

"You were still inside mom's tummy so you couldn't help, but your brother and sister did" Nick remembered that day, the kids spent the weekend with them and were happy to lend a hand with their little brother's room. They colored the walls and Zara wanted to add clouds using a sponge, she saw it on TV and wanted to try. Gil said it would be weird but they all ended up liking it

After getting a few other stuff at the store Nick drove them home but decided to start painting the following day. Ethan wanted to go to the playground and Nick complied, he had a whole week for home improvement.

* * *

Nick was staring at his son as he was played with the other kids. Nick wasn't keeping up with their imaginary story, but they were smiling and Ethan looked so happy.

Nick didn't take his eyes off of him, even though he wasn't working at SVU he knew very well what could happen, he remembered cases where just a few second were enough for a child to disappear.

Nick waved at him when Ethan looked up and was rewarded with a huge smile. He was such a sweet boy, and he wasn't biased.

Maybe just a bit.

Frannie was lying on the ground next to him, and there was no one else sitting on his bench. He had no problem with that, all Nick wanted was to enjoy watching his boy running around.

He heard foot steps and someone sat down next to him "he looks like a cute kid" the voice was familiar, and Nick hoped he heard wrong.

But he didn't, he heard right.

"Not a surprise, he is my grandson"


	2. Chapter 2

_I'm glad you like Ethan. I love him even if he's just a character in a fic. I refer to some things from the other fic (The Rollaros) cause it's the same universe._  
 _Hope you enjoy, let me know._

* * *

When the stranger sat down on the bench Frannie raised her head to look at him, but she wasn't interested and rested her head back on the ground. Unlike her reaction, Nick stared at his father in disbelief, what the hell was he doing here? It's been years since he last saw him, and even that wasn't enough. His eyes moved back to his son who was running around with another girl.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asked, what was he doing in California, what is he doing in LA, what is he doing in this playground?

The other man touched his jacket and looked straight ahead at the little boy, who was now inspecting something on the ground, he and that girl he's been playing seemed to be following a tiny creature, Nick figured it was a bug.

"I wanted to meet my grandson" he replied simply, as if it was obvious.

"I have no idea what made you think this was a good idea, but I don't remember ever wanting you to have a relationship with me or my children, so it's time for you to leave"

"Nick" his voice was calm "I gave you plenty of time, I think we can move on"

"The only moving on here is you walking away" Nick couldn't control his irritated tone.

"Listen Nick, you are my son and…"

"And? I don't know what you're doing here, but stay away from me and from my family" "Daddy!" Ethan ran to Nick's direction and climbed on the bench, looking at the other man "who are you?"

"I am your dad's friend" he replied, but Nick shook his head.

"I'm Ethan" the kid moved closer to his father.

"Come on buddy, it's time for us to go home" Nick stood up and grabbed Frannie's leash, he didn't want his son to exchange any other words with this person.

"Think about what I said" his father watched them with a smiled.

"But daddy I want to play with Emma" Ethan's request was accompanied with a sweet smile. But Nick wanted to get away from his father and decided to leave.

"You can play with her another time, go say goodbye and we'll go home" Nick's eyes followed Ethan as he walked to his friend and said a quick bye before running back to him.

"I don't want to see you again" Nick looked at his father and walked towards his son, followed by Frannie.

"Pick me up daddy!" Ethan raised his arms. Nick chuckled but lifted him off the ground.

"You're tired?" the boy rested his head on Nick's shoulder and he caressed the child's back.

The park wasn't too far from their home so they made the way back by foot. Nick was holding the leash in one hand and the other supported Ethan. He did look back twice, making sure they weren't being followed.

What was this man thinking? Nick wanted nothing to do with him. He was his father, but it was only biology. Nick felt none of the emotions you're suppose to feel for a dad, no love, no respect. He didn't care about him. All Nick wanted was for that man to stay as far away from him and his family as possible.

"We're home" Nick lowered Ethan to the ground and smiled when he yawned, it was a good time for a nap.

He unlocked the door and let Frannie and Ethan walk into the house. Ethan sat on the floor and took his shoes off. As usual he threw them and Nick shook his head, noting the exact place each of them fell.

"Ok, hijo, I think you should get some sleep"

"I want a story" Ethan asked.

"A story?" Nick kissed his cheek.

"Yes"

"How do you say yes in Spanish?" Nick has been trying to teach him, the only way to do that was to speak the language, but he wasn't doing that enough.

"Yes" Ethan repeated.

"No" Nick smiled "you say sí"

"Yes" the boy nodded.

"And how do you say no?"

"No" Ethan's cheek was rested against his father's shoulder again.

"Close enough" Nick carried him to the bedroom and helped the boy change his clothes "you want me to read you 'Annie the magician'?"

"Sí" he replied quietly.

Nick sat down on the bed next to him and the kid scooted over so he could look at the illustrations. Nick started reading the story, Ethan loved it so much both Amanda and he knew it by heart. Ethan could recite most of it too.

"'One, two, three' Annie said 'I will turn this puddle into a…" Nick read and waited for Ethan to finish the sentence.

"Sea"

"And boats will sail and waves will be in my wide, beautiful…"

"Blue sea" Ethan yawned again.

Nick finished reading the book and covered Ethan with the blanket "sleep tight, te adoro"

"Sí" Ethan mumbled.

Nick watched him for a few more seconds, he was so innocent, unaware of the pain the world had to offer, the complications. As his parents they wanted him to stay in this bubble as long as possible, they were introduced to those things way too soon and wanted their son to have a different childhood.

Nick walked to the living room and patted Frannie, he refilled her bowl and watched as she ate.

He grabbed his phone and called Amanda, she was working but he suddenly needed to hear her voice.

"Hey" she answered after a few rings.

"Am I interrupting?"

"It's ok, are you guys at home?" she asked "I'll leave in a few minutes, be there soon"

"Good" he blew out some air.

"Is everything ok? Did he tire you out already?" Amanda chuckled.

"Yeah, no. I mean…" Nick started over "he didn't tire me, we had fun and everything's ok" he wanted to tell her about seeing his father, but not over the phone.

"Good, I'll see you later"

Nick heard someone call her and she said goodbye before hanging up. He placed the phone on the coffee table and lay down on the couch. The thought of his father being in town kept on nagging him. He must have followed him to the playground and that was a bad sign. He wouldn't have bothered if it was about seeing his grandson, not that Nick wanted his father to meet Ethan. There was no reason for him to be around them.

He got a text from Amanda, letting him know she was on her way home. Nick walked to the kitchen to drink some water when he heard Ethan's bedroom door open.

"I'm up!" the boy rubbed his eyes and ran to the kitchen "see?"

"I can see you're awake" Nick gave him a kiss "are you hungry?"

Ethan nodded and walked over to pat Frannie while Nick warmed some of the food Cesaria had made before leaving for her vacation.

"Mommy!" Amanda walked into the house and Ethan ran to her.

"Hey baby" she picked him up and he hugged her "did you just wake up?"

"Yes" he nodded.

Amanda planted a kiss on his forehead and walked to the kitchen to say hello to Nick.

"Hey babe" she kissed his lips.

"Glad you're here, food's gonna be ready soon" Nick leaned for another kiss and Ethan giggled as he watched them.

"I'll help you set the table" Amanda tickled him and opened the drawer to take out the forks.

"One for daddy, one for mommy and one for Ethan" he chanted placing them by the plated Nick had already put on the table.

They all sat down after a few minutes and Nick served the food.

"Did you have fun at the playground?" Amanda asked.

Ethan was chewing but still spoke up "saw a bug…lady…daddy's friend…"

Amanda gave him a confused look and then turned to Nick, did he meet a lady friend at the park? Maybe one of the other moms made a move on him.

"I think he means that he saw a ladybug, yeah?"

"Yeah" Ethan approved Nick's explanation.

"And is she your friend?" Amanda was still curious about that part, not that she was jealous, she had no doubt in Nick's love.

"No" he slightly shook his head "I'll tell you later"

"Alright"

They finished eating and played with Ethan for some time.

"Put the blocks away baby" Amanda said when he was done with building towers "so who's this mysterious friend?"

"Far from a friend" Nick wanted to clear that up 'it was my D-A-D" he spelled when Ethan was back to pick up more blocks.

"What?" Amanda's eyes widened "seriously?"

"Yeah, I have no idea what he was doing here but I didn't bother finding out, we left a few moments after he showed up"

"This is weird" she could sympathize with him, seeing the man who hurt him so much, who left such a scar.

"I just hope he doesn't show up here or anywhere near me again"

"Did you tell your mom? Is she still in contact with him?"

"We're not talking about that" he said "so I don't know, but I hope not, how could she after the way he treated her"

Amanda placed her palm on his shoulder and kissed his cheek "there's not much you can do, but whatever it is, I'm hundred percent behind you, ok?"

"Thank you" he smiled and softly kissed her lips, allowing himself to linger.

"What are you doing?" Ethan asked.

"We're kissing" Nick explained and exchanged a grin with Amanda.

"Ok" the boy smiled at them.

"Ok?" Nick asked "can I kiss your mommy again?"

Ethan nodded and Nick brushed his lips against her for a quick second.

"I need to get going" Amanda caressed his shoulder, she had to return to work "I'll be back later"

"Bye mommy" Ethan gave her another hug.

"Take care of your father baby, ok?" she winked.

"I do" he promised.

* * *

Amanda left work on time, she was dedicated to her job, made a lot of sacrifices for it, but she also loved her family. Years ago she thought that having one wasn't really for her. Her parents weren't a good example and it seemed like other people, like the ones she worked with, couldn't hold their family together. Even Nick got divorced and it was hard on him. But somehow, despite all of the complications, they ended up together. They did talk about marriage, but decided against it. They were very happy together and it was enough.

Now she had a family, she had Nick and Ethan, they were the most important people in her life and having them made her feel like she belonged, like she was safe.

When Nick mentioned his father showing up she wasn't sure what to think. The man had no relationship with Nick so why would he locate them? Cesaria probably told him that he has another grandkid. But Ethan was three, so if he wanted to try and make amends, why wait till now? Why not just say so?

But if Nick didn't want anything to do with him, Amanda was fine with that, she meant what she had said earlier today, he had her full support.

They had dinner together and Amanda bathed Ethan, letting Nick have some time for himself.

"Let's wash all of your hair" Amanda shampooed his hair "like a lion's mane"

"I'm a lion" he roared "rrrr…"

"You're my cub"

"I'm not a taxi" he said and Amanda laughed.

"A cub is a lion baby, like a puppy" she explained.

"I was a baby"

"You're my baby" she kissed his cheeks, getting some of the shampoo on her face.

"You have a beard" the boy pointed on the foam.

"Yeah?" she took more foam and smeared it on her chin "how about this?"

Ethan giggled and helped her elongate the fake beard "I want a beard!"

"We can make that work" Amanda smiled and placed a bit of foam on his face.

They were laughing so hard Nick had to come by and see what was going on.

"Daddy we have beards" Ethan exclaimed.

"I can see that" he raised a brow.

"You like that look? I might stick with it" Amanda winked and Nick shook his head and walked to the bedroom.

She was in charge of bedtime and after a story she exchanged a kiss, a hug and another kiss (on each cheek) Ethan was asleep.

"He's such a sweetheart" Amanda walked into the bedroom and smiled at Nick, who's been lying on the bed.

"I think he gets that from me"

Amanda joined him in bed and rested her head on his shoulder "what did he get from me?"

"He likes throwing his clothes around"

"Are you saying I'm messy?" Amanda tried to give him a serious look, but the laughter took over her "but you know what, I can throw my clothes right now, unless that's gonna bother you"

"I think I'm gonna be ok with that" he nodded "and I won't mind tossing it on the floor myself"

"Are you being turned to the dark side?" she kissed his neck.

"Turned, but not to the dark side" he pulled her to him for a long kiss.

"Well then" Amanda pulled away and sat up a little "you should keep your promise and throw my clothes on the floor"

"My pleasure" Nick took Amanda's shirt off and let it drop down.

"That was hot" Amanda bit her lip and Nick kissed her again, his hands sneaking to the back of her back to free her from the bra.

He gently pushed her down on the bed and kissed her breasts, he started with tender pecks and they gradually turned rougher, his teeth teasing her nipples.

"Mmm" she closed her eyes, wanting more of his touch when they heard a familiar sound.

Her phone.

"Don't stop" Amanda sighed, she wasn't working tonight, whoever it was, they could wait.

Nick kept on going, his hands and lips gliding down her body. But the caller didn't give up and Nick gave her a questioning look.

"Fine" she said and he moved off of her "for the record, I wanted to continue with this" Nick handed her a shirt and she rushed to answer the call.

The caller ID said it was her partner, Rachel Parsons, she better have a damn good reason for this interruption.

"Rollins" she replied and glanced at Nick who walked out of the bedroom "what?" she turned to him again "yes…he's here, why?"

It was Nick's turn to wonder what was going on. Why would she ask if he was at home?

"Really? That's…ok, thanks for letting me know…yeah, see you"

"What was that about?" Nick moved closer.

"She got a courtesy call from one of the officers, apparently they arrested a man whose name is Nicholas Amaro, and since you're here…"

"They arrested my father?"


	3. Chapter 3

_As I mentioned in my profile, I've been really uninspired lately, I want to finish this and I know where I'm taking this. But be patient, I don't know how often I'm going to update._

* * *

"She said they arrested him for assault, she doesn't know anything else" Amanda took a step towards him "want me to go check it out?"

Nick hesitated, he didn't care about his father. He didn't want to hear from him or about him. But now he was here and Nick felt like he had to know.

"I don't know" he sat down on the couch and Amanda joined him, her hand resting on his shoulder "I just don't know why he's even here. When I saw him at the playground…I don't want anything to do with him so maybe I shouldn't get involved"

"You don't have to decide now" she said softly.

"I hate even thinking about it, I don't want to make things right with him, I don't want to forgive him…I wish he would disappear"

Amanda wasn't sure what to say, she had no words that could comfort him, just her presence. He leaned back on the couch and looked at her.

"I don't even have a single happy memory of him, all I can remember is him hurting my mom or me, I tried to make him proud, I wanted him to…" Nick couldn't say the words but as a child he wanted his father's love, instead he was beaten, screamed at "I promised myself I won't be like that"

"You are not like him Nick" she entwined her fingers with his "you are such an amazing father Nick. Zara and Gil love you so much and Ethan, he adores you" she smiled at him "he's growing up with a dad who loves him, who makes him feel safe. And not only him" she whispered the last four words.

Nick tightened his grip on her hand and pulled her in for a hug. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how she was the one making him feel good, how she changed his life for the better. But he decided to just hold her, feel the fabric of her shirt under his fingers, her breath against his neck.

"I love you" she hissed into his ear before pulling away so she could sit back down. She turned the TV on, knowing they could use the distraction.

"I think I've seen this one already" Amanda couldn't remember the name but it was a dumb reality show.

"You like this?" Nick looked at her as if they haven't met before "I don't know if this can get any worse"

Amanda chuckled and handed him the remote, she enjoyed sitting on the couch with Nick no matter what was on the screen. Nick was content with a channel after a few quick moments. He laid his head on the arm of the couch, his feet right by her knees. Amanda caressed his toes and her touch got her a soft smile from him. She placed his feet in her lap and started rubbing them.

"That feels good" he didn't even know he needed a massage but the way she treated his sore feet really made him feel better. He sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying her touch.

Amanda was no longer focused on the screen, she looked at Nick and loved his expression, how he reacted when her fingers pushed harder against the rough skin. When his eyes opened Nick was greeted by a seductive grin.

"Come here" he wanted to kiss those lips and Amanda gladly did as he asked, lying on top of him and allowing him to connect with her mouth.

* * *

Once in a while Nick heard a car pass by, but it was mostly quiet. Still, he couldn't fall asleep. Amanda was lying next to him, her left hand on his chest, her hair covering her face. Nick gently moved it away, not wanting to disrupt her sleep. He loved how peaceful she looked, like she was really resting.

All those years ago, when they first started sleeping together, she looked different when she slept, like she was carrying something heavy even when she was dreaming. But now, she was calm, at ease. The weight was lifted, at least some of it, now she didn't have to hide it, she didn't have to carry anything alone, neither did he.

Nick tried to close his eyes again, he was tired, was going to have a long day tomorrow, he was taking Zara to lunch and Ethan was going to join them. But sleep eluded him and Nick knew very well why.

It was his father. He didn't want anything to do with him, but still, he was lying awake in his bed, thinking about him. Why did it bother him so much? He could just ignore everything, not get involved, go on with his life. It may have been complicated, but it was good, there was so much love in his life, so many people he cared about and who cared about him.

But he couldn't push the nagging thoughts aside, why was his father in the city? What did he want from him? Why was he arrested?

Nick needed to know. Even though he wanted nothing to do with him, he still wanted to know what was going on.

* * *

Amanda wasn't in bed when Nick opened his eyes. He was able to fall asleep eventually, but got maybe three hours. After a few minutes in the bathroom he walked to the living room and smiled when he saw Ethan holding Frannie's water bowl and placing it on the floor.

The boy patted the dog and walked to Amanda who was washing a plate.

"I gave her the bowl mommy" he said.

"Good morning" they both turned to look at Nick.

"You looked like you could use the sleep" Amanda smiled and he gave her a quick kiss.

"Daddy I took Frannie for a walk!" Ethan was proud, he loved holding Frannie's leash.

"You are so helpful" Nick gave him a high five and ruffled his hair, he really needed a haircut.

"And I gave her water and I helped with juice" he pointed on the table and Nick saw two glasses with orange juice in them, there was some on the table too and Amanda smiled at him.

"How about you pour me a glass, ha?" Nick asked "please"

Ethan nodded and got on the chair so he could reach the bottle. Nick handed him a glass and Ethan poured him the juice.

"That's enough" he was about to overflow the glass "thank you"

Nick drank and watched as Ethan brought the other glasses to Amanda and stood by her as she washed them. Why was he over thinking about a meaningless man when his family was right there, there was no need for him to ask questions about his father, that man wasn't important.

Ethan ran to Frannie to check on her bowl, thinking he might need to refill it and Amanda turned to Nick.

"You ok?" she rested her hand against his back.

Nick nodded and smiled at her "what we talked about last night, I don't want to get involved so…I'm letting it go"

"Yeah?" Amanda was a little surprised, she thought Nick would want to know, but if he preferred not to, she was fine with that.

"Yes" he nodded.

"Let's play" Ethan walked back to them and Nick picked him off the floor.

"We're gonna play and we're gonna see Zara later" he let the boy know "does that sound good?"

"Yes"

"Well you boys have fun" Amanda gave each of them a quick kiss "I have to go to work"

"Go choose a game" Nick let him down.

"It's gonna be a long one, I have court after lunch…" she shrugged.

Amanda changed her clothes and walked back to the living room, where Nick and Ethan have been working on a puzzle.

"Be good boys" Amanda sat down and hugged Ethan tightly.

"We'll do our best" Nick promised.

* * *

Nick took Zara out for lunch once a week, just the two of them. He did the same with Gil, drove to San Diego and spent a few hours there, just the two of them. But Zara was happy to have Ethan join them and the boy felt just the same.

"How's abuela?" Zara asked when they sat down, Ethan was sitting between them and the waitress gave him a small coloring book and a few crayons.

"She's having fun" Nick let her know, Zara was happy for her grandmother, she thought it was a good thing she had a boyfriend.

"Look" Ethan showed the picture to Zara.

"It's pretty, you are a talented artist" she smiled.

"So how's school?" Nick started the interrogation and they talked about school until the food arrived.

"This is for you" Nick placed the pasta in front of Ethan and took away the coloring book.

"…we're working hard on the play, you will come, right?"

"Yes" Ethan nodded, his chin a little red from the sauce, the question was intended for Nick.

"Of course, we will all be there" Nick caressed the boy's head.

"Me too" Ethan looked at his dad and Nick nodded to reassure him.

They finished eating and walked to the mall, Nick wanted to but a few things for Ethan and Zara was happy to help.

"This one is adorable" she picked up a shirt, there was a guitar on it "do you like it?" she asked Ethan.

"Yes" he nodded and Zara placed it in their shopping bag.

"He only needs a pair of shoes and a pajamas" his daughter loved shopping and Maria had a good job and could afford it.

"Come on dad, it's gonna be so cute on him and this one…" she took another shirt and showed it to Ethan, it was in the bag so fast Nick didn't even notice what was drawn on it.

After a pair of jeans and two more shirts Zara and Ethan chose a pajama with dinosaurs and a pair of shoes.

"I think we have everything we need" Nick took the bag and they walked to the register. There Nick finally saw what was on the second shirt Zara picked ' _I have the coolest dad'_

* * *

Amanda was at the courthouse, she was just done testifying and needed a few minutes to herself, work never got easier, but with the support she had at home Amanda knew she could handle everything.

"Detective Rollins" she heard an unfamiliar voice and turned, a man she's never seen before waved and walked to her direction.

"Yeah?" she didn't recognize him.

"I'm ADA Frank Kendrick" he shook her head "can I have a quick word?"

"Alright" he looked pretty young and she figured he was new.

"I'm working on this case and I hoped you could help" Frank said.

"A sex crime?"

"No, an assault charge, but I don't want it to be just an assault charge" he continued, Amanda listened without interrupting, not sure how she could help him "the man we arrested, I know there was a trial in New York, but he freed and now…I don't want that to happen again, and with your help…"

"Just get to the point"

"The man I'm talking about is Nicholas Amaro, I believe you know his son"

* * *

Amanda called Nick and asked him to meet her by the ADA's office, he had a few important things to say and she had to tell him. Nick said he didn't want to get involved but he still had to know.

Zara agreed to watch Ethan and Nick drove there, not sure what was so important.

"Hey" she met him at the parking lot, and he gave her a questioning look "are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine" Amanda bit her lip "I know you didn't want to be involved in the investigation, but there's something you have to know"

Nick realized she was talking about his father, what could be so important?

"Come on" he followed Amanda to an office and she looked at him before opening the door "apparently your dad has a new girlfriend" they walked inside and Nick saw a man, that must have been the ADA, and a woman, younger than him, younger than Amanda probably. She was wearing a long sleeve shirt even though it was a hot day. But that was the second thing he noticed.

The first one was that she was pregnant.


	4. Chapter 4

"Excuse us for a moment" Nick had to walk out of the room and Amanda followed him, closing the door behind her.

"Nick" she reached for his arm.

"A little warning would have been nice" he looked at her.

"Well, I wasn't sure how to tell you, the ADA asked me to talk to you and I..." when the ADA told her, she had no idea how to tell Nick that his father has a pregnant girlfriend, she couldn't just say congratulations, you're going to be a brother. The thought made her chuckle and Nick gave her a puzzled look.

"I'm sorry" he took a step towards her "I just don't know what I'm supposed do to"

Amanda gave him a reassuring smile "listen to him, he just wants to talk to you"

Nick nodded, there goes his not getting involved plan, he wanted to just let it go and he was being sucked in. Maybe he didn't have a choice? Being born to this kind of a man meant never being free of him?

But he wasn't that kid who was always afraid to do or say the wrong thing, who didn't know what he did wrong and why his father was always so mad. And he wasn't the man who testified against him, who almost lost the relationship with his mother and sister because of that, he wasn't that broken man who was so lost then. He was different and he knew why.

He was happy.

For so long he had forgotten what happiness felt like, as if it was something that only other people felt but only a distant memory for him. Until he allowed himself to be really happy, allowed himself to accept the feeling he's been having, feelings that scared him for a long time. But once he admitted it to himself, accepted it and realized their love was the right thing – he was happy.

Nick gave her a quick kiss, a gesture that surprised her a bit since they were standing by the ADA's office.

"Sorry about that" Nick walked in and Amanda followed.

"It's alright" the man stood up and introduced himself "and this is Ms. Silvia Rodríguez"

"You look just like him" she looked almost scared when she said that, as if it was meant to be only a thought.

Nick was bothered by the comparison but didn't show it, this wasn't the first time somebody told him he looked like his father. Nick sat down in one of the chairs in front if the ADA's desk. The woman, Silvia, sat down too and Amanda leaned against the wall, there were no other seats available.

"I've asked you to come here so I could tell you about the plan for this case, I'm sure you know that your father is being charged for assaulting Ms. Rodríguez" she looked down when the ADA mentioned her name, almost ashamed of it "Ms. Rodríguez is having second thoughts about pressing charges…"

Nick didn't have to listen anymore, he knew exactly what the man was about to say. What was it about his father that made people feel like he didn't have to pay for his actions? No matter what, he was always forgiven.

"Listen" Nick stopped the ADA in the middle of a sentence "I'm sure you did your job and know all about the trial in New York, you know nothing came out of it. This man deserves to go to prison, but I will not testify" he turned to the woman "I don't know what you found in him, but you deserve better, I don't know you but someone who treats you badly and does…" he looked at her arms, the long sleeves probably hiding fresh bruises "this to a pregnant woman…you can't ignore it, you need to do the right thing for you and for your baby"

"I know" she whispered, not looking at Nick.

"Good" Nick stood up "I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful, but…" he shrugged and looked at Amanda "we need to go"

Amanda smiled at the ADA before stepping out of the door and following Nick to the parking lot.

"You ok?" she asked and he shrugged again.

"I don't know what people find in him" Nick looked into her eyes and noticed the twinkle in her eyes, as if his remark made her laugh but she was trying to fight it "it would have been funny if he wasn't such a terrible person"

"You're right" she nodded and caressed his hand "but seriously, this is exactly a thing you can't change, I'm not saying you have to accept it, but try not to let it get into your head, if you don't want to get involved in this, then don't, I have your back, always" she smiled at him "even if you want to get involved, ok?"

"Thanks" he leaned in for a quick kiss "I love you"

"Let's get back home"

* * *

"Mommy!" Ethan was happy to see his mother and ran to her.

"Hey baby, did you have fun with your sister?" she caressed his hair and looked at Zara "how are you hon? You're staying for dinner?"

"No, I need to get back home. Look at the shirt we bought for Ethan today"

"Look mommy" Ethan stretched it a bit and looked down as if he was reading the writing.

"It says" Zara reminded him "I have the coolest dad"

"And mommy" Ethan added almost instinctively and Amanda rewarded him with a kiss.

"That's right" she smiled.

"Come on Zara, I'll drive you home" Nick opened the door.

"Bye Amanda" Zara gave her a hug and turned to her little brother "and bye to you too, the coolest kid ever"

"Bye Zara" Ethan kissed her "I love you!"

"Love you too kid" she winked and grabbed her bag before walking to the front door.

"Thanks for watching him" Nick sat in the car.

"No problem, I love spending time with him"

"You're always welcome, you know that" he glanced at her.

Maria got married over a year ago but from the little Zara shared and the pieces of information he gathered, there was trouble in paradise. He did want Maria to be happy, after all, he was, she deserved that too. So Nick hoped the arguments Zara mentioned were just a hiccup.

"I know, but…Jeff moved out" seemed like it wasn't a hiccup "so I don't want mom to be alone tonight"

"That's a good idea Zara" he was proud of his daughter, she was such a caring person, she had a good relationship with her older brother and loved her younger one.

When he returned home Amanda and Ethan had set the table and she placed the food on the table.

"Daddy we're hungry!" Ethan exclaimed when he saw his father walk through the door.

"Good thing I'm here then" he rushed to them "did you wash your hands already?"

"Yes we took Frannie for a walk" he said.

"Sit down and I'll join you soon" Nick kissed his cheek and smiled at Amanda before walking towards the bathroom.

"And shoes" Nick heard Ethan say, probably telling Amanda about their day at the mall.

"Let's eat" Nick kissed Amanda's lips and sat down "we're hungry, aren't we?"

"Yes!" Ethan reached for his fork and Nick served the food and told the boy to chew slowly.

"Feels like it's been a long day" Nick looked at Amanda.

"I know" she agreed and placed her hand on his thigh "but now we're having a quiet night at home. You had a nice time with Zara?"

"Yeah, she told me" he lowered his voice "Jeff moved out"

"Really? Is Zara Ok?"

"She didn't say much, but she wants to be with Maria" he glanced at Ethan, he was playing with his food a little, not listening to his parents.

"Makes sense, she is a good kid"

"Me?" Ethan asked, thinking they were talking to him.

"You are a good kid" Nick smiled at him.

They finished eating and cleared the table "you gonna give him a bath while I take Frannie for a walk?" Amanda asked.

"To poopie and peepee" Ethan explained.

"Yes, that's why we're going for a walk" Amanda caressed his hair "and when I'll be back we'll read you a bedtime story"

"Ok mommy" he waved at her.

* * *

Once Ethan was asleep Nick washed the dishes and walked into the bedroom. He felt exhausted, it really felt like the longest day and even though it was still early, going to bed seemed like a good idea.

"You're going to sleep already?" Amanda walked out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel.

Nick was about to reply, say he was tired, but her smile was enough to wake him up and he watched as she took out clean clothes from the closet.

"What?" she smirked when he didn't speak, Amanda felt his eyes on her "you like staring?" she threw a shirt on him and Nick chuckled as it hit him.

Amanda put her clothes on and sat down next to Nick, connecting her lips to his for a few seconds.

"I love staring, but love this more" Nick said quietly and pulled her into him again "I know you just put your clothes on but…"

Amanda grinned and got on top of him "I think I can handle it" Amanda was about to kiss him again when the sound of a phone buzzing interrupted.

"It's yours" Amanda got off of him after another peck "take it"

"This better be important" he was unhappy about the interruption, who could it be? No one from work had any reason to call him while he was on vacation. He didn't recognize the number and had a bad feeling.

"Yeah?" he answered but no one spoke "who is this?" he looked at Amanda "who is this?"

"Nick?" finally he heard a whisper.

"Yes, who is this?"

"Silvia"

The woman he met at the ADA's office a few hours ago "Silvia, can I help you?" Nick tried not to sound confused, but he was. Why was she calling? How did she get his phone number?

"I'm sorry, I…can I talk to you?" her voice was so quiet and he barely heard her.

"Eh…Ok" he wasn't sure what to say to Silvia.

"Can we…not over the phone?" she asked.

"You want me to come over?" he looked at Amanda again.

"I…if you don't mind" Silvia replied and Nick turned his attention to Amanda, needing her reaction, was she ok with this? Did it bother her?

"It's fine" she touched his arm and nodded slightly.

Nick took another moment, still not sure if he should go see her, but what could she say? He had a feeling he knew.

"It's ok Nick" Amanda whispered and kissed his shoulder.

"Where are you?" he asked and Silvia gave him the address "I'll be there soon"

"Thank you"

Nick placed the phone on the bed and looked at Amanda "I'm not sure about this…" he shrugged.

"I know" she scooted even closer to him "if you think this is the right thing, then go do it"

"I'm going but not sure why" he stood up and quickly put on a pair of jeans and a t shirt "see you soon"

Amanda got off the bed and hugged him before he could walk out of the room "I love you"

He embraced her, needing this closeness "I love you too" he gave her a soft and lingering kiss and left the room.

* * *

Nick parked the car and walked to the exact address Silvia gave him. This wasn't exactly the best neighborhood and he asked himself whether she was staying there, maybe she had family nearby?

Finally he reached the right place and spotted her sitting on a bench, there was a bag on the ground next to her.

"Silvia" Nick walked over to the bench and sat down next to her.

"Nick, thank you for coming, I'm sorry for calling" she said, looking down on the sidewalk.

"It's fine, you wanted to talk to me about something?"

"I…you said I deserve better but…I…" she looked away and she sounded shaky, trying to control the tears "I don't know what to do, Nicholas is all I have"

"Don't you have a family?" he asked.

"No" Silvia shook her head "I don't have anyone"

"I'm sorry to hear that, but you will have a child soon and you have to think about the kid"

"It's a boy" she caressed her belly.

"Then you will have to be there for this boy, I get that it's hard, but he is going to be the most important thing in your life and he will love you, so you know this is the right thing to do, you can't let him hurt you again"

"I know but…" she wiped away a few tears.

Nick knew how hard it was to do something like that, how strong you had to be, and she had no one to support her.

"Look Silvia, I can't tell you what to do, but I can try to help you, I can give you a bit of money, something to help you start over, I don't have much but maybe it could help"

"Oh…" she looked at the bag.

"Where are you staying?" she didn't reply and Nick realized the answer was nowhere, she probably couldn't afford the place his father paid for "do you have any place to go?" Silvia shook her head "isn't the ADA helping you? He can get you a hotel room"

"He said he'd try but they have budget issues I think"

"Listen" he had a lot of doubts about the next thing he said, but the words still came out of his mouth.

* * *

Amanda was sitting on the couch, enjoying the quiet house and a cold beer. She watched one of the stupid reality shows she loved, one that Nick really disliked.

"I knew you're on my side" she looked at Frannie who walked over to her and climbed on the couch to lie beside Amanda.

She patted the dog and took another sip from the bottle. She glanced at the phone, no messages from Nick. Amanda wondered how things were going. Nick was a protective guy, he cared so much about his family and Amanda loved that about him, she truly felt safer when he was there. She loved that unlike anyone else, he made her feel not alone.

The beer was empty by the time the show had ended and Amanda got up to throw it away, the dog remained lying on the couch.

The door opened and Amanda was about to say something, but when she saw Nick, and the woman who walked behind him, she knew exactly what happened.

"Amanda, you remember Silvia"


	5. Chapter 5

_An update, it's a Passover miracle._  
 _I'm afraid it hasn't been easy for me to write this. As much as I want to finish the story I struggle with it, I know what's going to happen and still, I can't seem to write as much as I want to. So I'm sorry about that. I still love Rollaro but they have taught me not to ship anyone ever again_

 _lesson learned : )_

* * *

"Amanda, you remember Silvia"

Amanda wasn't sure if she was surprised to see the woman walking into their house, a part of her was expecting something like that but with Nick saying he didn't want to get involved…well, that ship has sailed.

Nick gave her an apologetic smile, he should have called her and not sprang this on her, but it was too late.

"I hope it's ok that I'm here" Silvia said quietly.

"Of course, it's fine" Amanda nodded "do you want a drink or something?"

"Maybe I could take a shower" she was feeling out of place and a part of her wanted to flee, but she had no where to go.

"Sure" Amanda smiled "I'll show you where you can put your things. You can sleep in Zara's room, that's Nick's daughter"

"Yeah…I know"

"Oh…" Amanda realized Nick's father must have told her about them "this is it" she opened the door and quickly showed her around "make yourself comfortable"

"Thank you"

"Sure" Amanda smiled again and returned to the living room.

Nick was standing by the fridge, he was lost in thoughts and didn't notice it when Amanda walked over to him and touched his shoulder.

"This whole thing could be one of the reality shows you hate…" she tried to make a joke.

"I'm sorry I didn't call…I should have talked to you first"

"That would have been nice, but…that's fine" she gave him a quick kiss, this business with his father was really affecting him "so what happened?"

"She can't afford staying at the hotel, he was paying for it and…I thought to pay for a few days but…you've seen her, she's completely alone and I thought maybe if she stayed here she'd feel like she can do this. I told her it's for a night or two…"

"So no reality show then?" She grinned "keeping up with the…"

"It's not funny" he caressed her cheek "this whole thing is messed up, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, even if he goes to prison…I can't support her or… I offered to give her some money"

"No one's asking you to, this is not your responsibility Nick, and whatever you wanna do, we're together in this, ok?"

"You sure? You're not going to change your mind?" he gave her a serious look.

"You're stuck with me for good" Amanda leaned against him and he caressed her back.

He wasn't _stuck_ with her, he loved her, he wanted to be with her, he couldn't be without her.

"I love you" he said and touched her chin, wanting to look at her but wasn't sure what to say. Those three words…I love you, what does that mean? Nick wasn't a philosophical man, but sometimes when he looked at her he felt something that _I love you_ didn't even begin to describe.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed" Amanda pulled away but grabbed his hand.

"I'll join you soon, ok?" he kissed her palm and let her go.

* * *

A few minutes later Silvia walked out of the shower and Nick asked her if she wanted something to eat but she declined and said she was going to sleep. The house was quiet, even Frannie was asleep and Nick turned off the lights, leaving only one lamp on in case Ethan decided to get up in the middle of the night. Nick stepped into his son's room, the boy was sound asleep, the book he loved was next to him, he probably looked at the pictures after they said goodnight. He placed it on the small table which was mostly used for storage and not for it's original purpose.

Nick walked out of the room and carefully shut the door and walked to his bedroom. Amanda was already in bed and she smiled when Nick walked inside, he left the door open and got under the covers, moving closer to her.  
"Goodnight babe" Amanda rested her hand on his chest

* * *

The first thing Amanda saw when she opened her eyes was Ethan's smiling face.

"Mommy I'm up" he said.

"I can see that" she checked the time on her phone "but baby it's only five, too early, go back to sleep"

"No, I'm up already" he shrugged and smiled even widely.

"What is it?" Nick asked.

"Daddy I'm up" Ethan moved over to his dad.

"Maybe you could lie down with us, it's very early and we'll try to catch some sleep" Nick caressed his hair and the boy nodded and lay down between them.

"Close your eyes buddy" Amanda kissed his cheek.

"I close" the boy nodded but he was wide awake and a few minutes later he opened them and looked at his parents "mommy"

"Yeah baby?"

"I'm not sleepy mommy"

"How comes you're not sleepy when I am?" she tickled him and Ethan giggled.

"Mommy tickle daddy!" Ethan shouted and Amanda chuckled.

"Yeah? You want me to tickle your dad?" she grinned at the boy.

"Yes!" he laughed and looked at Nick who pretended to be asleep.

"Shhhh!" Amanda placed a finger on her lips and sat up so she'd be able to reach Nick "can you help me?"

Ethan nodded happily and they both attacked him with tickles. Nick acted surprised and laughed, much to the boy's delight.

"Is this a way to treat a sleeping man?" he laughed when they let him go "what if I…" Nick's fingers reached Amanda's body and he was on top of her in seconds, Ethan climbed on his father's back and giggled while Amanda laughed.

"Ok…ok" she said after a few seconds "I think we can get up now, this little one has left us no choice"

"I want to play today!" Ethan let them know, his arms around Nick's neck.

"Today you are working" Nick said seriously "we are going to paint the wall, finally"

"And make a cake, ok daddy?"

"If you want, we can try to bake a cake" Nick smiled at Amanda who rested her head back on the pillow.

"I miss abuela" Ethan said.

"We all do, but she's on vacation" Nick explained.

"Playing with Frank, yes?" he asked.

"Probably" Amanda chuckled, a gesture that earned her a stern look from Nick "looks like you are going to have a lot of fun…" she was about to say something else when her phone buzzed and they all looked at it.

"Mommy, your phone is calling" Ethan got down off of Nick's back.

"Let's go to the living room to check on Frannie and I need to tell you about our guest" Nick held Ethan's hands so he could jump off the bed and they walked to the other room.

"Rollins" she answered, sitting up again "yeah…damn it…" she took a deep breath "I'm on my way"

* * *

"I want a big cake" Ethan raised his hands "like this"

"That's one big cake hijo, I don't think we can handle that, what about a baby cake?" Nick offered.

Amanda walked out of the bedroom dressed and ready to leave.

"You have to go?" Nick asked.

"Yeah, gotta go to work" she walked to Ethan and picked him up "I will be back later and you…" she kissed each of his cheeks "bake me a tasty cake and help your dad"

"A baby cake" Ethan hugged her.

"I think a chocolate cake is a better idea" she winked at Nick and gave him a kiss "love you"

"I love you too mommy" Ethan smiled.

"Lucky me" she kissed him "I love you so much"

* * *

After breakfast they took Frannie for a walk and Nick took the opportunity to tell the boy about their guest.

"Her name is Silvia and she is staying with us for a few days" he said.

"She can help paint" Ethan offered.

"No, she's a guest so no, but you will help, right?"

"Yes" Ethan jumped excitedly "but cake first, ok daddy?"

Nick smiled at the boy and nodded "let's head back home" he didn't want to stay away for too long.

When they walked into the house Silvia was standing in the kitchen, she seemed a bit disoriented.

"Good morning" Nick shut the door behind him "how are you doing? Feel free to have anything from the fridge or…"

"You're our guest" Ethan waved at her.

"Right, I'm Silvia" she smiled at him.

"I'm Ethan and this is Frannie and this is my daddy" he touched Nick's leg "I'm making a cake and paint and you can't help"

Nick caressed his hair and smiled "we're gonna bake a cake and paint the wall later"

"What is it?" Ethan noticed her belly and pointed at it "you have a baby?"

"I will have a baby boy" she touched it and smiled.

"What's his name?" the boy asked.

"Easy with the questions pal, let's let Silvia have breakfast, you and I will wash our hands and bake the cake, sounds good?"

"Yes, chocolate cake"

"A chocolate cake, no problem"

* * *

Baking wasn't one of Nick's skills, but he could read a simple recipe and follow it's instructions. Thankfully, Ethan didn't need anything complicated, he enjoyed pouring things in a bowl, stirring the batter and waiting for the magic to happen and a cake to come out of the oven.

"It's hot Ethan, don't touch the oven" Nick was handling the dishes while Ethan was sitting on the floor, watching the cake.

"Can I help with anything, I can wash the dishes" Silvia offered.

"It's ok, you can just rest or…" he wasn't sure what to say, she seemed so fragile, as if a single wrong word would break her.

"You want cake too?" Ethan asked and smiled.

"I'd love a piece" she smiled at him as he turned his attention back to the cake.

"Daddy I want to eat it"

"Patience kiddo, when it's ready"

"He stays home with you?" Silvia asked "no preschool?"

"His grandma usually stays with him, but she's on vacation" Nick replied, staring at the clean sink "come on, go get a game, we'll play while we wait"

"I can't wait!" Ethan jumped up and down.

"Alright buddy" Nick picked him up "if you don't want to play we are going to start working, we have a wall to paint"

"And a cake to eat" he giggled and hugged Nick.

"The paint we're using is safe, it's lead free and…everything free I think, like most things are today…" Nick chuckled.

"It's alright, but if I could help with something…I can't just sit here and do nothing" Silvia smiled shyly.

"Guests can't help" Ethan said.

"Thanks for the offer" Nick caressed Ethan hair "but we can't ask you to help with painting"

"I can help with the cake, maybe make a frosting" she offered.

Ethan's eyes widened "yes!" he exclaimed "I want frosting"

"Ok" Nick nodded "ask nicely"

"Please we love frosting thank you" Ethan smiled excitedly.

Nick knew the boy had a sweet tooth, just like his mother, he always waited for the dessert and the mention of a cake, cookies or ice cream always made him excited. Nick loved seeing that smile, it always made him happy, knowing his son was thrilled, even if it was about sugar.

"Only if it's not a bother" Nick didn't want her to feel like she had to help.

"Not at all, I want to help" she walked to the kitchen.

Nick brought the paint and moved things away from the wall so they could paint it. He handed Ethan a brush and showed him how to use it while he used the roller.

"Daddy, look" Ethan pointed at the spot he was done coloring, wanting to show his father what he did, proud that he was helping.

"Good job buddy, now you can continue"

"It's wet daddy" Nick looked down and saw that Ethan's finger's where white from the paint.

"That's why we shouldn't touch it" he smiled "we'll wash our hands later, don't touch anything"

They continued working for a few minutes when Silvia took out the cake and Ethan turned around to look at it.

"I want to eat it" he said.

"Not yet, it needs to get cold first, we'll finish with the wall and then we'll have a piece"

"And you need to wait for the frosting" Silvia smiled.

"I want to color up" Ethan looked at Nick and pointed to the ceiling.

"I'm gonna do that, it's high" the small ladder had been waiting there since the previous day.

"Please daddy, I want to paint with this one" he pointed at the roller in Nick's hand.

Nick chuckled "alright, let's put down the brush" Ethan handed it to him and Nick placed it on a newspaper "here, I'm gonna lift you up and you can paint higher" he gave the smiling boy the roller and raised him up.

"Look daddy" Ethan turned to look at Nick and touched his forehead, leaving a smudge of paint on the skin "very good, but how about you continue with your mission"

After a while Nick was satisfied with their work, the wall was painted, the floor stayed clean and Ethan…well, he could use a bath, but he wasn't going to be very patient about the cake much longer and he tried so hard Nick thought the boy deserved a treat.

"Let's just put everything away and wash our hands before the cake"

"We made it" Ethan's eyes were glued to the cake and Nick picked him up to take him to the bathroom.

Once their hands were clean Silvia gave each a piece and Ethan finished his quickly "I want more" he said.

"After dinner, we need to save some for mommy and right now you need to take a bath, but we did a very good job, it's tasty, thank Silvia for making the frosting"

"Thank you" Ethan smiled at her.

"Go play in your room and I'll be right there to give you a bath, we painted more than just the wall today"

"We painted me" the boy pointed at himself and rushed to his room.

"He's so sweet" Silvia was playing with her spoon.

"Thanks, he really is…he's a good kid"

"You're a good dad, I can tell he loves you, he wants to be like you" she said.

"He can do better" Nick chuckled and looked away for a second "you know, people can do better, sometimes we think that there's only one way, but…" he couldn't put the words together "look, you need to think about your son, he's the most important thing in your life, and he's gonna love you but he's gonna depend on you and you need to be there for him, do the right thing for him"

She nodded and was about to say something when Ethan ran back into the room, without his shirt.

"Daddy I'm waiting" he touched his knee.

"Ok, come on, we need to wash the paint off of you" Nick kissed his cheek.

"I think I'm gonna go rest for a while" Silvia said "I'll put the cake in the fridge"

"Thanks" Nick smiled.

After the bath they had lunch and Nick turned on the TV and they watched cartoons, Ethan was getting sleepy, and with him waking up so early this morning, Nick wasn't wide awake himself, Ethan's head was leaned against his father's chest and Nick closed his eyes as he tightened his hold on the boy.

* * *

Amanda left work early, she needed a break, their case reached a dead end the captain was being a pain in her ass. A few more hours with her family could only do her good. She opened the door and patted Frannie who was happy to see her.

"Hey girl" Amanda smiled at her.

She stood back up and noticed Nick and Ethan on the couch. They were both asleep, Ethan lying on his father. She grinned at the sight and the grin widened when she noticed the white stain on Nick's forehead, the wall looked good.

She walked to the kitchen to take a glass of water and noticed Zara's bedroom door was open, it seemed to be empty and Amanda walked inside, Silvia wasn't there and her things weren't there either.

She walked back to the living room and kneeled down next to the couch and caressed Nick's cheek, gently waking him up.

"Hey" she whispered when he opened his eyes.

"You're home early"

"Skipped work early, don't tell anyone" she smiled and kissed his lips "you two had a long day?"

Nick glanced at the boy "we worked hard, I'll put him it bed" he carefully stood up and walked to Ethan's bedroom.

"Where's our guest?" Amanda asked when he came back.

"What do you mean?" he looked at the other room and noticed it was empty.

"Her things are not there, you didn't know?"

"No, she said she was going to rest and…I don't know what to say" he shrugged, what made her leave without saying anything? There was no argument, she seemed fine. His wallet was in the bedroom and Nick walked over there and looked inside.

"Hundred and twenty dollars missing" he let her know when he returned to the kitchen.

"Want me to make a few calls?" she offered.

"Don't, I don't care about the money" he shook his head "I tried, but I can't do anything else, no one forced her to leave, so…"

Amanda could tell he wanted to change the subject and looked at the wall "I love what you did with the wall, your forehead…that's a different story" she walked over to him and touched the smudge of paint.

"Damn" he rubbed the skin "I'm gonna go wash it off"

"You know, I was going to take a shower, and…"

"Need me to soap your back?"

"That would be nice" she kissed him "even though I'd love to have sex somewhere else at some point"

Nick chuckled and pushed her against the fridge, ready to just take her there in the kitchen. But he knew they couldn't do that right now, maybe they should spend some time just the two of them. She wrapped her hands around his neck and he led them to the bathroom.

They removed their clothes and got under the water, hands caressing the other one's skin.

"I love you" Nick mumbled against her ear and captured her mouth again, not giving her a chance to respond. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around him. She gave him a daring smile and he entered her, the sound of the running water muffling the moans. It didn't take them long to reach the climax and Nick helped her get back on her feet. He leaned against the wall and Amanda hugged him, kissing his chest.

"Let me wash that away" she rubbed the smudge of paint until it was gone "you ok?" her hands moved to caress his back.

"How could I not be?" he smiled.

"Thank you for the compliment" Amanda let out a quick laugh "but I'm serious"

"I'm fine, but I don't want to talk about it with no clothes on" he kissed her lips again "we should get out of here anyway"

"You have your way with me and just leave" she bit her lip and looked at him.

"Exactly" Nick kissed her one more time before letting her go.

Fifteen minutes later Amanda joined Nick in the living room and told him a bit about her case. She valued his opinion and it felt good to just get it off her chest.

"So the ADA said…"

"Mommy!" Ethan rushed to the couch.

"Hey baby, you slept for a long time" she hugged him.

"We made a cake and frosting" he said excitedly.

"No way! I think I should have a piece" she took his hand in hers and they walked to the fridge together and Amanda took out the cake "wow! This looks great"

"Silvia did the frosting but I did the cake" he said proudly.

"And your dad?" Amanda asked.

"Daddy helped"

* * *

They went to the playground together and played with Frannie. Ethan did ask about Silvia and Nick said she had to go back home. He was glad Ethan didn't probe, he had no answers anyway.

They had fun and most of the time Nick didn't even think about Silvia or his father. He had a good day with Amanda and Ethan.

After dinner the boy asked for more cake and told Amanda all about making it. Her phone buzzed and she walked to the bedroom to take it.

"Let's put the dishes in the sink hijo"

Amanda returned a few minutes later with a grim expression "Ethan, go choose a bed time story" she ruffled his hair and he left them alone.

"What is it?" Nick asked.

"Nick" she touched his arm "the phone call. It's bad, really bad"


	6. Chapter 6

_Another update and it hasn't been a month!_

 _I'm not sure how many more chapters are left but I hope you're still interested in this story_

* * *

"It was the ADA" Amanda said "Silvia dropped the charges earlier today and…"

"She dropped the charges?" he wasn't sure this surprised him, especially since she left, but a part of him had hope, hope he was able to convince her to do the right thing.

"Yes, she dropped the charges but he got a call not long ago, they arrested your father again because he attacked her and she's…she's at the hospital, it looks bad"

"Shi…" Nick had no idea what to do, what to say, what could he do?

"This one" Ethan walked back into the room holding a book "read me this one mommy" he gave her the book.

"Soon baby" Amanda smiled at her son "go wait in your room" she waited for him to leave before she spoke again "we've got to go to the hospital. Call Zara, she can watch Ethan. We need to do this"

"Yeah" he nodded "you're right"

"We'll talk to him there, find everything out, ok?" she touched his arm and walked to Ethan's room while Nick grabbed his phone to call Zara. She watched Ethan sometimes and was happy to help again.

Nick walked into the boy's bedroom and for a few seconds watched Amanda reading their son a story.

"And the balloon was floating in the air…" Amanda noticed him staring "you called her?"

"I'm gonna drive her over, I'll be right back" he walked in and kissed the top of Ethan's head.

"Bye daddy" he turned his attention back to the book "read about the balloon"

"When am I getting a story baby?" she smiled at him "I think you should read a story to me once"

"But I don't know how" he laughed.  
Nick heard them laughing and wanted to stay, to pretend nothing was going on, just sit next to Amanda and Ethan and listen to her voice as she read the story about the balloon, he couldn't remember how it went and needed to know, he had to know what happens to it.

* * *

"Hey dad" Zara opened the car's door and sat down.

"Thanks for helping out Zara, we really appreciate it"

"Sure" she could tell her father was worried "is everything alright?"  
Nick nodded but didn't reply, he didn't know the answer.

* * *

"I'm sorry" ADA Frank Kendrick met them at the hospital "She's still in surgery, so I don't have any news"

"What happened?" Nick asked.

"She came into the office, dropped the charges, said it was a misunderstanding, she wanted her baby to have a father…" he shrugged "we couldn't keep him locked up without her testimony"

"So you just let him go?" Nick snapped "like nothing happened"

"I can't hold him with no reason, I wish I could" Kendrick tried to defend himself "I asked you to help so she won't change her mind"

"This is just freaking…" Nick mumbled but Amanda gave him a serious look, the ADA wasn't the man to be mad at.

"What now?" She asked.

"He was arrested, I don't think he can get away with this one"

Nick restrained himself and didn't respond, what he wanted was to see Nicholas Amaro senior and choke him with his bare hands. Make sure he can't hurt anyone else ever again.

"Here's the doctor" The ADA said and Nick stood up.

"I'm sorry" she shook her head "we did everything we could but couldn't stop the bleeding, she's gone, I'm sorry"

"Shit" the ADA rubbed his temple.

"The baby?" Nick looked at the doctor.

"The baby's in NICU, I don't know how he's doing, you can check with them, I have to go…"

"Thank you doctor" Kendrick nodded at her and turned his attention to Amanda "I need to go back to the office, it's a murder charge now"

"We'll go check on the baby" Amanda said and her fingers grazed Nick's palm, she could read his mind, knew what he was going through.

"I'll be in touch" the ADA smiled and left.

Nick looked at the other man as he walked away, it almost felt unreal, he was still at home, covering his son with a blanket, wishing him goodnight, having a few quiet hours with Amanda. He wasn't at this hospital.

"Come on" Amanda touched his arm again and they walked to the elevator.

* * *

When the elevator door closed Nick suddenly remembered something, it was probably the only good memory he had of his father.

They were going to visit someone, he wasn't sure who or why but it was just the two of them. He followed his father into the elevator and watched as he pushed the button.

"I wanted to do it" he said quietly, not sure if it was ok for him to say, his mother said some things were not ok to say to him.

"You wanted to push the button?" Amaro senior asked and the kid nodded "come here" he picked him up "now you can push all of these"

"All of them?" Nick asked, surprised he was allowed to do it.

"All of them" the man nodded.

Nick slowly touched one of the buttons and a smile lit up his face just as the button was lit up by his touch.

"The next one, it's ok" his father assured him.

Nick quickly moved to the next buttons until he was done. He looked at his handy work and laughed with excitement.

His father was laughing too and in that moment Nick felt good being in his father's arms. He wasn't sure if it ever happened again.

There was a ding and the doors opened.

* * *

"Excuse me" they approached the nurse at the reception "we're looking for information about baby boy Rodríguez"

"Name?" she typed something but didn't look at them.

"Nicholas Amaro"

She raised her eyes at Nick and glanced at Amanda before turning her attention back to him "are you the father?" she probably knew he was the one responsible for everything.

He shook his head "I'm…the baby's brother" it was the first time it felt real, the relation to this baby. He was his brother.

"Let me call the doctor" she said quietly and picked up the phone.

It didn't take a long time for the doctor to appear, she seemed tired and upset, like she was having a bad day, he had a feeling that the news she was about to give him wouldn't make his better.

"Let's talk privately" she said and gestured at a quiet corner "I understand you're related to the baby"

"I'm his brother, this is Amanda, she's my partner"

"Look, I understand his mother died earlier and I wish I could give you good news" she looked genuinely sorry "but the baby is…he was born prematurely, he's about 24 weeks and with that and with the beating she took, I'm afraid there's not much we can do, the machines can only do so much, but his organs are not developed enough to handle this, the damage is too severe"

"What are you saying?" Nick asked.

"I'm saying" she took a breath "he hasn't got much time"

"He's dying" Nick said it mostly to himself "crap" he turned away, tried to control himself, count to ten, to a hundred, he'd count to a billion if it could help.

"What can we do?" he heard Amanda's voice and looked at her.

"There's nothing to do, just wait, but…"

"Are you saying all we can do is wait for him to die?" Nick tried not to raise his voice.

The doctor didn't react for a few seconds, not wanting to say yes "but if you…maybe you could stay with him, so he's not alone"

Nick had to look down, make sure he was standing on something, because at that moment he felt like he was falling down, there was nothing beneath him, he was going to fall and nothing was going to catch him.

"Of course" Amanda said and grabbed a hold of his hand, the gesture bringing him back to reality, to the hospital.

"Yeah" he nodded.

"I'll make sure a nurse calls you in a few minutes" she nodded and walked away.

"I don't…"he shook his head.

Amanda wrapped her arms around him, what could she say to him? To herself? Right now all that mattered was the baby.

"I'm gonna call Zara, let her know we're not gonna be back anytime soon, I'll be right back" she reached for her phone.

"Don't tell her where we are, ok?"

"Of course not"

* * *

The first thing that caught Nick's eye was how small he was, he'd never seen anything like this. This tiny creature was lying there, the wires seemed bigger than him.

"We don't have a name" the nurse looked at Nick and Amanda, expecting them to give her an answer.

"I don't know, I don't really know his mother…it's complicated"

"Oh" she wrote something down in his chart "doctor Reid told me she explained the situation"

"Is there really no hope?" Amanda asked, she was trying to act calm, but seeing the baby, knowing how hard it was on Nick, it affected her.

"There's always hope, but he's too weak, even with the treatment we don't know how much time he's got. But it's good for him to have family by his side. Here…" she brought a second chair and placed it by the incubator "and you can touch him gently, just make sure to disinfect your hands. I'll be back later to check on him"

"Thank you" Amanda smiled at her.

They were left alone with the baby and neither was sure what to say or do so for a few moments they just listened to the sound coming from the machines. The only thing that was keeping him alive.

Nick reached for Amanda's hand, he squeezed it and looked into her eyes "I…" she shook her head and closed the gap between them, lightly brushing her lips against his. She was there for him and he needed her there.

Nick grabbed the hand sanitizer so he could clean his hands. He sat down and looked at the incubator before reaching for the boy's tiny hand.

"Hey baby" he tenderly caressed his fingers "I'm your big brother"


	7. Chapter 7

_Writing this chapter made me fall in love with the story again which is why I stayed up way too late to write it and you get a quick update._

 _Leave a review when you're done reading_ _and wait patiently for the next chapter, hope to update soon._

* * *

The night Ethan was born, when he was just a few hours old, Amanda was asleep, she had just finished feeding him and Nick was holding the baby in his arms. She was so tired and he was glad she got some rest.

Nick looked at the little boy in his arms, he was bundled up in a light blue blanket, moving a little bit in his fathers arms. He got a name just a couple of hours ago and already is seemed like a perfect fit. Ethan.

The boy's expression changed and he made a sound that was dangerously close to sobbing. Nick didn't want him to wake Amanda up.

"It's ok" he tenderly caressed his forehead and whispered to his son "you're ok, I'm here"

With his fingers against this baby's palm Nick remembered that night as if it was yesterday and not more than three years ago, it seemed to him that his presence was enough to make his son calm down.

Amanda's arm was rested against Nick's back, moving up and down once in a while.

"What are you thinking about?" she moved her chair even closer to his and leaned her cheek against his shoulder.

"Just…" he took a deep breath "the day Ethan was born"

"Feels like yesterday" she said quietly.

"I just…" Nick wasn't sure what he was, he tried to figure out what he was feeling, but he couldn't come up with the answer, no emotion came to mind.

"It's ok, I'm here"

The nurse came by a few times to check on the baby, she looked grim each of those times, no good news.

"This doesn't feel real" Nick said "he's paying the biggest price, and he is innocent in this. He doesn't deserve this and I maybe there was something I could have done…"

"Nick" Amanda sat up and looked at him "I know you feel guilty, I understand it, but this is on him, your father is the one who did this. You tried to help, you did the right thing, but if she couldn't accept it…"

"I should have tried harder to convince her, if I would have stayed awake, stopped her for leaving…"

"Then what?" she shook her head "you offered her everything you could"

"It doesn't matter anyway, we're here" he looked at the incubator "he's here"

"We are here, for him" she said "that's all we can do"

"It's not enough"

* * *

The nurse returned with Doctor Reid, they checked his vitals and asked Nick and Amanda to leave the room while they ran some tests.

"Zara sent a text earlier" Amanda checked her phone and read it to him "Ethan's asleep and I'm going to bed, hope you're alright"

"It's too late to reply now"

"And she sent this photo of the two of them" Amanda smiled and showed it to Nick, Ethan and his sister sitting on his bed, smiling widely to the camera.

"The only good thing about selfies" Nick took the phone and smiled, he loved the connection Zara and Ethan had, all his children had. Ethan adored Zara and Gil, he was so excited whenever they came over.

Nick handed Amanda the phone when he noticed the doctor coming over to them, he couldn't read her blank expression, he figured she had a lot practice maintaining this look so parent wouldn't be able to read her. But if she had good news she'd smile, and she wasn't smiling.

She gave them a few medical terms, they listened and nodded as the doctor explained that time was running out and Nick could picture a hourglass next to the incubator.

"I'm so sorry" she shook her head "but at least you're there, maybe it doesn't seem like a lot, but I believe it makes a difference"

"Yeah" Nick wasn't hiding his frustration.

"Do you have any contact with her family members?" the doctor asked.

"No, she said she doesn't have a family and…I don't really know her"

"We can handle that later" she led them back to the room.

Everything felt the same, the chairs, the machines, the baby. The hourglass.

"He needs a name" Nick looked at him "we can't call him the baby"

"Did she mention a name?" Amanda asked.

"No, Ethan asked her but I told him not to ask a lot of questions, she seemed overwhelmed and I…should have known" he could tell Amanda was going to protest again "I know what you're going to say, but right now…"

"Hey" her fingers reached for his cheek "how about we just be here, I think you should hold him, that's what he needs" Nick looked at her and she kept on caressing his cheek "I remember when Ethan was born, we were still at the hospital and you thought I was asleep but I woke up when he started crying and you said, you told him that he was ok, that you were there and I…" Nick smiled, he thought about the same moment not long ago "I felt just the same, that I was ok because you were there and I still feel just that. All we can do is this, but he has his brother to make him feel safe"

The doctor returned into the room and exchanged a look with them "can I hold him?" Nick asked and she walked over to the incubator and nodded.

"Lean back" she said and Nick complied and watched as she carefully picked the boy up and placed him in Nick's arms. He looked even smaller now, Nick felt like he wasn't holding anything but tubes and wires.

"I'm sorry" Nick whispered, he felt Amanda's hand on his shoulder but kept his gaze on the baby "I don't know what your name is, but I do know you have a family, you are an uncle. Gil is your oldest nephew, he is such a smart kid, he's thinking of becoming a lawyer, I'm not sure I like the idea, but he's gonna win that argument. Zara, your niece, she's in drama club, she loves singing and acting, she's the lead in a play they're working on at school and she's working so hard on it. Ethan is…" Nick choked up and Amanda tenderly squeezed his shoulder, saying it was alright if he wanted to stop. But the doctor was still in the room and Nick knew she wasn't there to listen in. He wanted the baby to know the good side of his family.

"Ethan" Nick continued "he's this incredibly happy and caring boy, he has a friend, her name's Emma who broke her arm a few months ago, and when we went to visit her Ethan gave her his favorite toy, horsie, to help her feel better"

He took another deep breath and smiled before he spoke again "me, I'm your brother, and I'm really lucky to have them and to have Amanda who I don't deserve, but don't tell her that because… _that's_ your family"

They were all quiet for a few seconds when Nick turned to Amanda "talk about the balloon"

"The balloon?" she wasn't sure what he was talking about.

"The bedtime story" he explained "please"

Amanda nodded, she could see how hard Nick was trying to fight his feelings, fight the tears, the pain.

 _The balloon that flew away_ she knew this one by heart, just like all of Ethan's favorite stories, and if that's what Nick needed, she could recite it.

"One afternoon Danny and mom went to the park where she bought him a beautiful green balloon…"

For a moment it all seemed normal, reading a bed time story to a child. But this was everything but normal. She reached to the final sentence and his instinct was to laugh at her for actually knowing the entire thing by heart, but he wasn't sure he still remembered how to laugh.

"And the balloon was floating in the air and Danny waved and said goodbye"

* * *

It was after six am when Nick and Amanda walked to the parking lot. A nurse past them and a few cars drove by as they made their way to their vehicle. Nick was so used to the city sounds he rarely paid attention to them, but now it was the first time he heard absolutely nothing of the usual commotion, the only thing in his ears was the doctor's voice as she pronounced the death of the brother he knew for the last few hours, a baby whose life ended before it even began.

The only thing that kept him somewhat focused, enabling him to walk, was Amanda's hand holding his. Her support was the only thing that helped him go through this night, sitting there with him, listening to the doctor's explanations, as he let her know they'd handle the funeral arrangements.

"Amanda" he suddenly stopped and looked at her, unable to say anything else, he felt like his entire body was shaking, even though he was perfectly still. She touched his cheek, her fingers dragging down the rugged skin, she moved down to his chin, his neck, his chest and eventually wrapped her arms around him.

"Let's go home" she said after what could have been a second or an hour, he couldn't tell the difference

* * *

"Are you ok?" Zara greeted them at the door, she could see the answer was no, her father looked pale, he looked frightened.

"It's fine, thanks for watching Ethan" Zara knew he was lying but didn't probe.

"I'll drive you home" Amanda smiled at her.

"You can take me straight to school, I asked mom to bring me my things yesterday" her gazed followed Nick as he walked to the kitchen to grab himself a glass of water but he didn't drink it.

"I'll go get dressed" Zara rushed to her bedroom. When she returned her father was still in the same position, holding a full glass of water, Amanda was standing next to him, she told him something but Zara couldn't hear.

"You're ready?" Amanda smiled at her.

"What happened?" Zara asked once they were in the car "Amanda?"

"It's complicated hon, but it's gonna be ok" she drove off "are you sure you want me to take you straight to school? It's pretty early"

"I have rehearsals for our play, we're working day and night, not literally" she laughed and Amanda smiled at her "Ethan was great, he went to sleep after we read a book"

"Thank you so much for watching him, I know you're busy"

"I love watching him, I just hope you guys are alright" Zara tried to think about all the possibilities, she knew her dad and Amanda weren't working together so that couldn't be it. They seemed very happy together so it wasn't some kind of therapy, but if this was a date then maybe they needed one, if that's how they returned home from it.

"We are, don't worry" Amanda dropped her off and watched as she walked into the building. Zara was a smart girl, she'd probably find out about this soon enough, news picked this stuff fast.

* * *

Nick placed the glass on the counter, he couldn't bring himself to drink the water.

"Daddy I'm up" he heard Ethan's cheerful announcement.

"Good morning" Nick smiled at him, he couldn't let the boy see him like this.

"Daddy read me a story" Ethan ran to his father and looked up at him.

"How about breakfast first?" Nick offered.

"No, I want a story please thank you" he insisted.

"Ok, go get a book and after one story you are getting ready, deal?"

Ethan nodded and Nick sat on the couch, Frannie was lying there and he patted her, promising to take her for a walk soon.

"I want this one" Ethan was back holding a book in his hands.

"Sit next to me" Nick took the book from the boy, _The balloon that flew away_ "are you sure?" he didn't want to read it, he wanted to through the book away.

"Yes, please" Ethan smiled widely and Nick gave in, and started reading. He had to fight the tears that threatened to ran down his eyes with every word he read, but he didn't want to do this, to cry like that in front of his three year old boy.

"And the balloon was floating in the air and Danny waved and said…" he reached the last line.

"Goodbye" Ethan completed the sentence and Nick couldn't control himself anymore, the events of last night taking over him and the tears poured out, staining the page.

"Daddy!" Ethan looked at Nick, completely surprised "you're sad?"

Nick nodded and Ethan reached for him, the boy's fingers wiping away the tears.


	8. Chapter 8

Amanda walked into the house and saw Nick standing in the kitchen, he turned to her when he heard the door open and Amanda could see his red eyes.

"Mommy!" Ethan ran to her and almost jumped into her arms "daddy cried"

"It's ok to cry baby" she kissed his cheek "how about you go get dressed and then I'll help you brush your teeth" she gave him another kiss and lowered him to the floor before walking over to Nick.

"Sorry" he felt bad for bursting into tears in front of their son.

"Don't worry" she looked at him sympathetically and grabbed his hand, moving it to her lips.

"You want to go rest for a while? I'll take care of breakfast" she offered but Nick shook her head.

"You have to be at work soon"

"No, I called and took a personal day, I want to be with you" she didn't let go of his hand.

"Thanks, but you must be tired, you haven't slept for over twenty four hours"

Nick wasn't wrong, between Ethan waking them up at five am the previous day and spending the entire night at the hospital, she was exhausted. But they've been through such a tough experience and she wanted to be there and support Nick.

"I'm fine" he placed his hand on top of hers "I'm gonna be fine, I'll make him breakfast and we'll take Frannie for a walk, get some sleep, you need it"

Amanda smiled and kissed his lips and looked into his eyes, she wanted to make sure he was ok with this, sometimes Nick didn't like admitting he needed help, and right now he definitely needed someone.

"Go to sleep" he reassured "we'll talk later"

"I'm ready" Ethan was dressed in a t shirt with cars on it and a pair of jeans, he was looking at the pictures on the fabric as he walked into the room.

"I'll help you, mommy needs to sleep" Nick smiled at her.

"Look daddy" Ethan pointed at one of the cars.

Amanda knew she needed a shower but when she stepped into the bedroom the exhaustion took over her and she changed her clothes quickly and got under the covers, she was asleep before her head touched the pillow.

* * *

Nick prepared a light breakfast and after they were done eating Frannie finally was awarded with her walk.

"Daddy" Ethan was holding on to Nick's hand and looked up at his father "it's ok to cry"

"Of course it's alright hijo" Nick smiled at him.

"You was sad" Ethan continued.

"You were sad" Nick corrected.

"No, I wasn't" the boy said.

"No, you weren't sad and you made me feel better" Nick smiled at him again, he still felt uncomfortable about his reaction, he couldn't remember ever crying in front of Ethan. A part of him felt bad about it, when he was young crying wasn't encouraged, it was a reason to be punished.

They made their way back after a while and Nick checked his phone, he left it at home, not wanting to get calls while he was out with Ethan. There were no missed calls and Nick took it as a good sign, people still didn't know about the event of the previous night.

"Go play kiddo" Nick ruffled his hair "I'll be right back" Nick refilled Frannie's bowls and walked into the bedroom.

Nick looked at Amanda who was lying on her stomach, sleeping. He closed the blinds, wanting the room to be darker so she'd sleep better. She looked so calm when she slept and when they first started their long distance relationship he had spent a lot of hours watching her, his eyes would travel up and down her body and he missed her even though she was right there next to him. Even now that they've been living together, had a child together, he still loved looking at her. But he didn't have to long for her anymore, she was his and he belonged to her.

"Daddy" Ethan walked into the room and Nick realized he's been standing there a long time.

"Come on buddy" Nick said quietly, not wanting to wake her up.

"I want to play with mommy" Ethan followed Nick back to the living room.

"Mommy is tired so we're gonna let her sleep for a while" he sat down on the floor "how about a puzzle?" he yawned.

"Daddy you're tired" Ethan smiled at him "go to sleep"

"If I go to sleep who's gonna play with you?" Nick let out a quick laugh and tickled Ethan a little.

"Frannie" the boy giggled and wrapped his arms around his father's neck.

"How comes you are such a good kid, ha?"

"Don't know" Ethan shrugged and Nick kissed each of his cheeks.

They worked on a puzzle for a while and when they were almost done they heard foot steps and greeted Amanda with smiles.

"What are you boys doing?" she asked and sat down on the floor next to Nick. She rested her head against his arm and caressed his palm.

"A lion" Ethan pointed on his head proudly "we made the puzzle"

"You two are so talented" she grinned.

While Ethan placed the last piece in it's place Amanda looked at Nick, she knew him so well it was easy for her to read him. She wrapped her arms around him, knowing words were useless, what could she tell him?

Nick kissed the top of her head and they looked at Ethan who announced the puzzle was finished.

They took Frannie for another walk and spent a while playing at the park. Ethan was so energetic, he wanted Nick to run around with him and Frannie and the exercise helped take Nick's mind off things, for a while Nick was distracted, focused on those who loved and cared about him. His son's laugh, Amanda's hand on his arm, her lips on his cheek.

"Daddy I wanna swing" Ethan asked him.

"Alright" Nick stood up and took the boy's hand.

Amanda watched as they walked to the swing set, she was about to get up and follow them when she got a call.

"Rollins" she answered.

"It's Kendrick" the man on the other line said "I heard what happened"

"Yeah" Amanda looked up at Nick, he was pushing the swing and Ethan was smiling happily, probably asking to go higher.

"So did the news, it's already out there…"

"What about…him? Is he lawyered up already?" she asked.

"Yeah, he's not talking to us yet, but it doesn't really matter, he's not gonna get bail and even if he pleads anything other than guilty he's still going to jail, we have enough"

"I hope so, are you going to call us to testify?" Amanda knew Nick would do it, even though he didn't want to.

"You know I have to, but hopefully he's gonna go with guilty and we can avoid a trial"

Amanda wasn't sure that would happen, with what Nick had told her, his father didn't seem like a man who owned up to things, putting the blame on others.

"Ok, keep me posted" Amanda placed the phone in her pocket and walked to Nick and Ethan.

* * *

"I'm gonna go get some rest" Nick said when he walked out of Ethan's room, he had just put the boy down for a nap. He gave her a tender kiss and walked into the bedroom. Nick took off his shirt and pants and got under the covers. He was tired and expected to fall asleep in an instant, but it wasn't that easy. The moment he closed his eyes all the memories he pushed away that day came rushing back. His eyelids opened and he stared at the ceiling, trying to make it go away, just for a little while.

The door opened after a few minutes and Amanda walked in, she didn't seem to notice he was awake and quietly walked to the dresser. Nick watched as she took off her earrings and placed them on the wooden surface. She reached for her shirt and pulled it off.

"Amanda" he spoke up and she turned to him.

"Did I wake you up?"

"No" he sat up and moved to the edge of the bed "come here"

She smiled slightly and walked over to him "what is it?"

Nick didn't use his words to reply, he grabbed her hands and pulled her closer to him, resting his forehead against her bare abdomen. This closeness always made him feel better. It felt like Amanda was a part of his body and soul. He needed her, needed her comfort, her touch, her love. Her.

Nick trailed a few kisses on her skin and Amanda caressed his hair, his lips on her body were magical and she could never get enough.

"Nick" she mumbled, not sure if she should stop this, his hands left hers and moved to her back, traveling from her belt up. He looked up to meet her eyes, saying, without words, that he wanted this.

She smiled at him and reached behind her back to unclasp her bra and removed it with Nick's eyes glued to her eyes and lips. Once her breasts were free Amanda sat down in his lap and kissed him, their lips meeting for a few quick pecks before melding their tongues together. Their hands roamed the other's body and they parted to look at the other again.

"I love you" Amanda whispered before she started working on his neck.

He closed his eyes, and wrapped his arms around her body, lowering her down on the bed. Nick got on top of her and kissed her lips before removing his boxers, remaining completely naked. He worked on her jeans and quickly took them off, along with her underwear. Nick allowed his eyes to move up and down her body.

"Come here" she placed her feet on the mattress and gave him a flirty smile.

Nick positioned himself between her legs and leaned in to kiss her lips again "I need you" he said before thrusting himself inside her.

Amanda let out a sigh when he entered her body and captured Nick's mouth, needing to kiss him. They moved together slowly, their bodies knew exactly what to do and Nick and Amanda kept on kissing, making quick breaks to catch their breath.

"I love you" Nick said just before he climaxed inside of her.

* * *

Amanda could feel Nick's even breaths and knew he had fallen asleep. His arms were wrapped around her and she had to turn very carefully, she didn't want to wake him up. He was so stressed and needed the rest. She couldn't fix this, all she could do was to be there for and with him, like he was and would be there for her.

Amanda wiggled her way out of his arms and put her clothes on before stepping out of her room. She had a few missed calls but she didn't want to call anyone back, they were just curious about Nick's father and she didn't want to talk about it to them. Being a witness to the baby's death was hard on her too, but supporting Nick was making her stronger.

She heard Ethan's footsteps and smiled when he approached her "I see you're up"

"Yes" he was still sleepy and rubbed his eyes "I'm hungry mommy"

"Then lets get you something to eat" she picked him up and kissed his cheek.

"I want the cake I made" he let her know "with daddy and Silvia helped"

"Oh" she walked to the fridge with him is her arms and opened the door.

"This one" he pointed at the leftover cake and Amanda took it out.

"A little bit baby" she placed him in his sit and gave him a piece of cake.

"You too" he said with a mouth full of the chocolate cake.

Amanda sat next to him and cut herself a small piece too, she should get rid of it before Nick wakes up.

"Yummy" Ethan licked his spoon "we did it"

"Yeah? You helped your dad make the cake?" she asked.

"Yes and Silvia helped us" he finished the remaining of his cake "I want more"

"More cake, ha?" he was looking at her with as if this was his one and only wish, to have another piece of cake.

"Yes!" he replied excitedly and pushed his plate to her "please thank you"

"An itsy bitsy piece" she said.

"Not itsy bitsy" he shook his head.

"So just an itsy, no bitsy" she chuckled and gave him another piece.

"What are you eating?" Nick walked into the room.

"Our cake daddy" Ethan informed "give him some mommy"

Nick sat down next to Amanda and she placed her hand on his thigh "I think I already did" she winked but Nick gave her a stern look and Ethan didn't even notice, as he was busy eating the every crumb left on his plate.

"What do you want to do with this?" she looked down on the table.

"There's barely any left, just finish it" he shrugged "it's no big deal"

Ethan was done eating and got off his seat to play with Frannie.

"The ADA called me earlier" Amanda looked at Nick, her hand still on his thigh "while we were at the playground"

"What did he say?"

"That he's not talking, Kendrick hopes he pleads guilty to avoid a trial, but he's not talking so…"

"There's gonna be a trial and he wants me to testify" Nick interrupted mid sentence.

"Yeah"

"Damn it" he stood up "after what he's done…" Nick felt the anger building up, it was a familiar feeling, one he has experienced so many times before, something that could take over him and…but he wasn't that man anymore, he knew how to control it, how to let it out without hurting anyone or anything.

"If it comes to that we'll deal with it together" Amanda got up and touched his shoulders.

"It's not about the trial, it's about everything else, Amanda I…there's still so much I have to do and I…" he had to take care of the funeral arrangements and how could he do that when the child didn't have a name?

Amanda wrapped her arms around him "we" she said.

"I hate that he dragged you into this" Nick sighed.

"I'm here for you, not because of him" she let him go and he turned around so he could kiss her.

"You know what?" he walked back to the table and looked at the cake "I am going to finish this"

Amanda wasn't sure what he was talking about and he didn't elaborate. Nick walked over to Ethan, gave him a kiss and said he'd be back later.

"Where are you going Nick?" Amanda followed him to the bedroom and watched as he got dressed.

"To do something I promised myself not to"


	9. Chapter 9

_I appreciate your comments, I like writing but it means a lot to know someone took the time to say something about it so thank you._

 _I enjoy writing the drama in this story and I like that it's not between Amanda and Nick. I do love writing things where they have to find their way to one another, but in this one they are happy and supportive of each other._

* * *

"What are you talking about Nick" Amanda blocked the doorway, wanting to hear his plan, he wasn't leaving without telling her.

"I am going to talk to him" he stood right in front of her.

"You want to go talk to your dad?" she stayed planted there and crossed her arms "are you sure about this? You did say that…"

"I know what I said, but I can't sit and wait, ok? I need to talk to him" his eyes were begging her to move.

Amanda wasn't going to reject the idea, but she was worried about the effect it could have on Nick "I don't like this" she finally said.

"Me neither" he shrugged "but I need to do this Amanda, I don't want to sit and wait for Kendrick to call and tell us we need to sit in that court room and tell everyone about him, how we had to sit in that hospital and hold that poor little baby, I don't want my mother and sister to be there and listen to me, last time it almost tore us apart"

"Well it's not gonna happen again Nick, I told you before I have your back, that hasn't changed and never will, ok? If you want to go see him" she moved, leaving enough space for him to go through the door "you can go, I just don't want him to get into your head, don't want him to hurt you more than he already has"

"I am hurt" he said "and if I stay or go, that's not going to change. I need to see him and tell him, because I don't want to do that during a trial, I want to tell him how I really feel and that's not something a jury should hear"

"Ok" she nodded at him "if this is what you need to do"

"Amanda" he could see the hesitance in her eyes and he knew she worried about him "I love you" he kissed her lips, intending for it to be just a quick peck but the softness of her made him linger and deepen the kiss.

"See you soon" Amanda pulled away.

* * *

Nick thought about their conversation the entire way to the prison. He knew Amanda cared and wanted the best for him. The ordeal with his father was hard on him, but it wasn't fun for her too, she had to be strong for him, support him.

But even if she had a good reason to worry this was something Nick had to do, he didn't want to, but had to confront his father. He needed to let his thoughts out, the frustration he felt about his father not pleading guilty. He wasn't fooling himself, he doubted he was going to convince him, but Nicholas Amaro had to hear what his son had to say. He had to listen to him.

Once in his life.

Nick parked the car and walked into the prison. He's been there a few times before, and the guards didn't give him a hard time when he asked to see a prisoner.

He walked into the room and looked at the man who was sitting there, wearing the ugly uniform. Nick knew he looked a lot like his father and he hated the resemblance, inside and out.

"Nick" the older man said and Nick thought he'd add something, but after that single word he turned his attention to the wall.

"So you finally did it" Nick wasn't sure how to stand, whether he should raise his voice, he just let the words flow "you finally killed your son, I know you tried for years but…"

"Don't talk to me like that" he said, taking his eyes off the wall and turning to look at Nick.

"You don't think you deserve this tone of voice? Because I think you deserve worse, you think you can ignore this? Who's gonna stand by your side now? Silvia's dead, you killed her, killed her baby, your baby, and you know what? I had to sit with him at the hospital and watch him die" whatever self control Nick walked in with was gone "and you tell me not to talk to you like that?"

"That's enough" Nicholas stood up, Nick could see the rage in his eyes "you need to get out of here"

"Not before you tell me why you did it, I asked myself that question since I was a kid, why am I the only one who's afraid of his father? Now I know I had a good reason"

"Enough with the act" Nicholas chuckled "you're acting all high and mighty but we both know you're no different, you hurt others too, I heard all about the kid, the photographer and your perfect family life? How many mothers do your children have? What happened to Silvia was an accident, but you're behavior is not. You're just looking for someone you can blame, all you have to do is look in the mirror"

Nick shook his head, he wasn't going to let this man get into his head "my mistakes are my fault, but I'm paying for yours too. I held him in my arms…" Nick looked at his hands, feeling the weight of the child "looked at his face and still you put the blame on me, act like you had nothing to do with it. An accident? You wanted to show her she couldn't leave you, it was a punishment. Now you don't want to face the consequence…" Nick wanted to hurt this man, make him feel some of the pain he's been feeling. He could put his hands around his neck, that would work, squeeze the little bit of humanity he had left. But Nick pushed that thought away. Hitting this man was easy, a few seconds or minutes if the guards let it continue, using force wasn't going to change anything and Nick could control his temper, he had to learn the hard way, but he learned.

His father shook his head but said nothing, he looked tired of Nick's words and sat down on the chair "go away" he said quietly after a few minutes and Nick stared at him in disbelief, didn't he care about anything? Didn't he care about what he's done? But he already knew the answer to that.

He shouldn't have come to see him, it was a mistake. This man knew only how to let him down. What did he expect this time? That this man would plead guilty because he asked him to?

He should have stayed with his family and he was going there now, his father didn't deserve his time. Nick didn't add another word before leaving and heading home.

* * *

"What's this?" Amanda opened the door for Nick, he was holding two large paper bags in his hands.

"Dinner" he smiled and leaned for a quick kiss and walked to the kitchen so he could put them down on the counter "I thought we could have some burgers tonight"

"Sounds good" she smiled.

"Where's Ethan?" the living room was way too quiet.

"In his room, we're playing hide and seek, toys edition" she chuckled, she hid one of his toys and Ethan had to find it.

"So we're gonna spend a lot of time cleaning it up" he walked over to Amanda "and…you can say I told you so"

"What?" Amanda gave him a questioning look.

"You were right, I shouldn't have gone, it was a waste of time" he wrapped his arms around her.

"I wasn't going to say anything" she leaned into him, enjoying the warmth coming from the hug.

"Found it" Ethan ran out of his room a tiny car in his hand "daddy"

"Hey kid" Nick smiled and picked Ethan up "can I play hide and seek with you?"

"Yes but it's mommy's turn"

"We can hide it together, can't we?" Nick kissed his cheek.

"We can" he giggled "mommy don't look"

Amanda chuckled and covered her eyes, she heard their voices as they walked into Ethan's room.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Nick asked.

"A lot" Ethan replied.

* * *

They had the burgers for dinner and Nick read him a bedtime story, he was glad the boy chose something other than _the balloon that flew away_ , he wasn't sure he wanted to hear that one for a while.

Amanda grabbed herself a beer and sat down on the couch. She loved this peaceful time, just sitting on the couch at her home, a cold beer and Nick next to her, his hand on her knee. She loved how calm she felt with him, safe, loved. She was still the same Amanda, just happier.

Ethan bedroom's door closed and Amanda turned to look at Nick as he slowly walked to the couch and sat down next to her. They looked at one another and for a moment it felt as if it was a week ago, before this story unfolded, just another quiet night.

Amanda handed him the bottle and watched as he took a sip. Her eyes examining every movement of his muscles as he swallowed the beer.

"What?" Nick asked when he noticed the smile on her face.

"You're just handsome" she said with a spark in her eye and a bit of blush on her cheeks.

Nick was surprised by the answer and chuckled "well, thank you"

"You're very welcome" Amanda reached for the bottle and Nick took another sip before giving it to her. she gave him a few seconds before finally asking what happened with his father.

"I guess nothing, I thought when he hears about his son…he would realize what he'd done, I looked at him and it seemed like he didn't even care, he said it was an accident. After that night at the hospital…" Nick sighed and shrugged "I feel so stupid for thinking he would make it easier on everyone, but Nicholas only cares about himself"

"I'm sorry"

Nick took a deep breath and rested his left palm on her right knee "me too"

Amanda handed him the bottle again but he shook his head, not wanting anymore beer. There was so much on his mind, he still had to call the hospital and handle the funeral, he dreaded that moment, they'd want to know the baby's name and how could he choose it? This wasn't his child.

"I have to go back to work tomorrow" Amanda emptied the bottle and placed it on the coffee table "the captain called and said ' _we have crimes to solve Rollins, you can't work from home_ '" she imitated him and Nick chuckled, she was spot on.

"It's ok" he nodded "we'll try to have fun while we miss you" this was Amanda's turn to chuckle and Nick gave her a quick kiss "I think your dumb reality show is on"

"My?" Amanda's eyes widened "I have a feeling you're a fan, you just like to pretend you hate it"

"I only enjoy watching you watch it" he tried defending himself but Amanda just laughed at his reply.

"Liar" she walked to the kitchen to throw away the bottle while Nick turned the TV on.

Amanda joined him on the couch and leaned into him as they watched the program, Nick had to admit he didn't hate it like he used to, not because it was good, he couldn't see the appeal in watching rich people who did stupid things. What he loved about it was watching it with the woman he was in love with. When it was over Nick commented on some of the events that occurred.

"I doubt anyone would want to watch me waiting in line for a movie" he said before they walked into the bedroom.

"Only cause you'd be dressed…probably" she laughed.

"Probably?"

"I don't know" Amanda shrugged "you're full of surprises"

"I think I'm pretty predictable, so I can promise that I have no plans on going to the movies naked" he wrapped his arms around her from behind "but I'm willing to get naked for you anytime"

Amanda turned around in his arms and moved closer to his face, their lips less than an inch apart "that's really" she kissed him softly "really good to know"

They were tired and a short make out session was all they were up to. Nick spooned her once they got under the covers and breathed her in before falling asleep.

* * *

Nick was standing in a field, he had no idea where he was but it didn't matter. The field was so green, tranquil. He could feel a light wind blowing, but apart from that there was nothing, no worries, no troubles.

He thought that place was perfect, the trees, the flowers, the sky. He started walking around, familiarizing himself with the environment.

"Nick" he heard a voice he couldn't recognize and turned around.

"Silvia" she was dead, what was she doing there? She was holding something and when Nick got closer he could see the baby, he was so tiny but he was alive, breathing on his own.

"What have you done Nick?" she sounded displeased "how could you?"

"I'm sorry Silvia, I tried to help you and your son" he felt guilty and understood why she blamed him.

"He was all I had" she was staring straight into his eyes and he was feeling very uncomfortable "and you took him away"

"If I could…" but he couldn't.

"I loved him and you pushed him away, it was all your fault, because of you the man I love is gone"

"What?" she was holding her baby, what man? He suddenly realized who she was talking about "Nicholas?"

The moment he said the name the baby started crying, the sobs were loud and they hurt, as if they were daggers penetrating his ears.

"Please…" he tried to say something but she couldn't hear him over the crying baby.

"He's gone and it's all your fault" she said and walked away.

But he still heard the baby crying even though he wasn't there anymore. It sounded different from the way Ethan cried when he was a baby, something was off with these sobs. They still sounded familiar and Nick tried to think, what was that sound?

Of course.

The phone.

* * *

"Damn in" Amanda mumbled and reached for her phone, she felt Nick stir behind her and knew he was awake when he unwrapped his arms so she could sit up.

"Rollins" she answered and looked at Nick, they were both thinking the same thing. Late night calls were never good.

Nick watched as her expression changed, he could read her so well and knew this wasn't good. He waited patiently until she placed the phone back on the nightstand, after muttering a polite goodbye to the person on the other line.

"What?" her expression scared him, it seemed like she wanted to go back in time and not to answer this call, but they both knew she had to tell him.

"Your dad, he was stabbed in his cell" she grabbed a hold of his hand.

"He's gone, isn't he?"

Amanda nodded slightly and even though she whispered, her _yes_ was very loud.


	10. Chapter 10

_this is the last chapter._  
 _It's really short, but I wanted to finish the story and preferably without killing any other characters so I guess it's an epilogue._

 _Thank you for reading and commenting._

* * *

He's dead.

That's all Nick could think about. His father was gone.

"Nick?" Amanda moved closer to him and he realized he's been silent for a while and she was worried.

"Makes sense" he said "we both know how people like that are treated in prison" Nick got up but wasn't sure what he wanted to do, where he wanted to go. The floor felt cold under his bare feet and it was the only thing he could feel.

He was numb.

He thought about it when he saw the man and the dream…Nick didn't believe in that, he couldn't predict the future but still. He was gone.

"Nick" Amanda's voice was so tender it seemed like it was caressing him.

Nick heard her get out of the bed, he heard her footsteps as she walked towards him. Felt, finally something other than the cold floor, her hand on his back.

"Nick" Amanda kept repeating his name because she had no idea what to say.

"I'm sorry" Nick turned abruptly, realizing he was in a bubble for the last couple of minutes, just staring at nothing "I just don't really know what to…I need to let Sonya know"

"It's too late. You can call your sister and mother tomorrow"

"You're right" he sat back down and Amanda followed "I think these have been the worst few days in my life, and I have a lot to choose of"

She leaned her forehead on his shoulder to hide a slight smile, he was right. Nick had been through a lot but the last years were good for him, for both of them.

"I'm sorry Nick"

"I'm not sure I am" he felt Amanda move her head and looked at her "I'm not sure I'm not, after what he did, after everything I've been through with his man I never expected it to end like that"

"No one can expect this, none of it. But here we are" she entwined her fingers with his "and it's ok not to be fine"

"I think I'm even…sad" he looked down on the floor, feeling a bit ashamed of himself, even after everything, his father died.

Amanda didn't say anything, her hands wrapped around him in a warm embrace and she held him until they somehow fell asleep, waking up to the cheerful voice of their son saying "I'm up"

* * *

It's been a tough morning, trying to act natural around Ethan, hearing Nick's conversation with his sister, how he told her everything, how he tried to comfort her while she cried on the other line and then hearing him talk to his mother.

She explained everything to her captain and the man told her to take as much time as necessary, but he did say he hoped it wouldn't take too long.

Cesaria came back from her vacation the following day to help Nick and Amanda with Ethan. She's been holding on to the good memories she had from Nicholas and forgave him for all the pain as a way for her to move on, she knew Nick couldn't and she couldn't blame him, they just didn't talk about it. Right now, her son needed her and she came back.

* * *

 **A few days later…**

* * *

The cemetery was quiet, Nick couldn't even hear a bird. The ceremony was over and he was standing there with Amanda, leaning on a tree, staring at the sky. Funerals were never easy but this one, with it being the end for someone who didn't even get a chance to start his life, it was much harder.

It was only the two of them, Sonya didn't want to go and Cesaria watched Ethan. So Nick was there, feeling Amanda's hand holding his, saying goodbye to his brother again.

They received Silvia's belongings and found a book, _The balloon that flew away_. The same story they read the baby the night he died. Nick didn't know if she saw it at their place or not, but it was new and he figured she bought it for her son. They named the baby after the character of the boy in the book.

"Ready to go home?" Amanda asked after a few minutes and Nick looked at her, she looked so beautiful in that moment, not because of her appearance, but because of what she made him feel, how she was there for him, the way her touch made things better somehow, made it tolerable, he knew he could make it with her close to him.

He gave her a tender kiss and said "ready"

* * *

"Daddy look!" Ethan ran to his father the moment he walked into the house.

It didn't take long for Nick to understand why the boy was so excited, Gil and Zara were both standing in the kitchen.

He gave Amanda a questioning look, the kids weren't supposed to be there today, but he was happy to see them.

"Surprise!" Ethan exclaimed, explaining their presence.

"Hey dad" Zara walked towards him and gave him a long hug.

Nick realized they knew and that was why they were there, he didn't tell them, but the story wasn't a secret and he wasn't surprised they found out.

Gil hugged him too and then turned his attention to Ethan was wanted to show him one of his games.

"Not too long" Cesaria warned "food's almost ready"

Nick watched his youngest child playing with his siblings and smiled, he had good kids.

"Let's go help your mom" Amanda touched his shoulder and he followed her to the kitchen.

A few minutes later they were all sitting around the dining table, eating, talking, laughing.

A family.


End file.
